Two friends, wearing fancy pink polos, playing the role of a fashionable gay couple for the special occasion — check. Our names on the guest list of an healthy, organic restaurant — check. Bad joke after bad joke as a result of much anticipation (necessary, but occurs at a higher rate in males) — oh right, I was with males that night — check. Those of us older than 21 years a little tipsy to begin the evening — check. Last, yet important, dinner not until 8 p.m. — check, too.
All of my requirements for a perfect evening had been met that night, and my European heart was beating fast. Somehow my friends had gotten lucky and got us the last table in the Crescent Café, a breakfast place in McMinnville that serves dinner only once a month.
We sat down and ate our delicious meals with smiles on our faces. It was after that, however, when things went wrong. We paid the bill that was already waiting for us, and as I sat down to let my stomach do its job, I noticed that my friends were making an attempt to leave. They were craving cigarettes. Stop!
In the Netherlands going out to dinner is planned long ahead and is anticipated. You go out to catch up with each other or to celebrate something, but never because you are too lazy to cook. (In that case, you would surprise visit friends and rudely eat
along — it’s OK; they do that to you, as well.)
It can take as long as an hour to get the food you ordered, but that time is not used for waiting. Instead, it is wisely spent on good conversation. A waiter has to wait to deliver the bill until you have finished your food and asked for it, but that, sorry sir, might take until 2 a.m. when we’re having a good time.
“We’re in a hurry, can we have our food within an hour?” That might sound a little funny to you, but why bother going out for dinner if you’re not taking your time for it?
Yes, the stereotype is true: Dutch people are grumpy. People from all ages love the excuse, “Sorry, no tip, I’m a poor student.” Because waiters get paid better, tips are not an obligation, but actually a reward for only the best service. On the other hand, waiters carry few responsibilities. For example, the restaurant will pay the fine when alcohol is served to a minor, and that makes both waiter and minor happy.
I foresee millions of dollars in potential profits if both dining scenes would comingle. I would dance on a table if a restaurant in the Netherlands served free water, including refills. My friends would probably dance on a table if the restaurants here would have a smoking room. Dinner would be more expensive because you are using the restaurant’s table for the entire evening, true, but we could make up for this by reducing the quantity of our restaurant visits.
Americans tend to have busy schedules, but if you don’t go out to eat often, having the entire night could be a blast. And perhaps reducing the frequency of going out to dinners wouldn’t be such a bad idea in the first place: If the amount of weight that people will lose by this will allow everyone to dance on the table, going out to dinner might really become a lot of fun.

Doris ter Horst
Columnist Doris ter Horst can be reached at [email protected]