Kelley Hungerford
It is a truth universally acknowledged that any sappy romantic must be in want of a sappy romantic novel. It is a truth universally acknowledged that any sappy romantic novel is instantly made better with the undead.
Think of Dracula: The leading vampire is more than a wicked, malevolent creature. He is a sex symbol, plagued by his love and bloodlust for Mina.
Or, think of the “Twilight” series. The only (and I mean only) reason these books have the slightest bit of appeal is because the main character is a gorgeous heartthrob of a vampire. Believe me, no one reads those things for Bella.
But author Seth Grahame-Smith brings a new, undead element to romance: zombies.
Grahame-Smith’s “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies,” a horrifically amorous rendition of the Jane Austen classic, is just what lovers need to reignite passion’s dying embers.
In a world where romance seems lost, we love-smitten women can finally find a place for our affections: the revamped Mr. Darcy.
Austen made him the man of our great, great grandmothers’ dreams, but Grahame-Smith makes him the man of ours. Just read:
“Mr. Darcy soon drew the attention of the room by his fine, tall person, handsome features, noble mien—and the report which was in general circulation within five minutes after his entrance, of his having slaughtered more than a thousand unmentionables [zombies] since the fall of Cambridge [to the undead],” [“Pride and Prejudice and Zombies” page 12].
My heart be still! A thousand zombies! Such a man has not lived since Attila the Hun slew scores of the undead in the 5th century (those were zombies and not Romans, right?).
Boyfriends, think of the last time you watched “Dawn of the Dead” with your girlfriend. Don’t you remember how close she got to you? Don’t you recall how she clung to you and put her face in your shoulder, told you to turn the movie off when it got too scary? Don’t you reminisce on how bruised your arm was from her strangling grasp?
Come on Romeos and Juliets, you always knew zombies were symbols of affection.
I don’t know about you, but to me that sounds like zombies bringing couples closer together.
Adam Cohen’s New York Times OP-ED “Mr. Darcy Woos Elizabeth Bennet While Zombies Attack” gives a more in-depth look at Grahame-Smith’s already epic novel.
While Cohen cites economic anxiety as a reason for the novel’s popularity, we all know that it’s actually the fiery passion kindled inside us when we hear the word “zombie” (I feel a tingle in my toes just writing the word).
“Regency romances end in marriage; zombie stories end in the zombies being vanquished. ‘Pride and Prejudice and Zombies’ delivers both,” Cohen wrote.
See, zombies don’t prevent weddings, they bring them about. Indeed, Mr. Darcy and Ms. Bennet fight a horde of zombies together and marry soon after. Isn’t that romantic? Nothing says wedding like the slaying of zombies—just imagine her white, blood-stained gown and his hair slicked back to perfection with zombie juice. Eee!
But not everyone is happy with this masterpiece. In a February 2009, New York Times OP-ED book reviewer Jennifer Schuessler quotes Myretta Robens, site manager and co-founder of the Austen fan site Republic of Pemberley saying, “To me this is like Jane Austen jumping the shark.”
Well, all you critics of the precious gem “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies” have clearly never read the full text (I would like to take this time to note that I have read neither “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies” nor the non-zombie original).
You also clearly don’t know what romance is. I cannot tell you a more romantic-sounding evening than one in which my boyfriend and I must battle zombies who have invaded Melrose Hall. In all seriousness, that actually happened. We managed to drive them into Northup and lock them up, which is the real reason its doors remain locked.
A final jab: All you who say “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies” is a desecration of the original and gives a bad name to literature have also obviously never read “Twilight.” That series is just a bunch of foul, rancid zombie flesh. Seriously, at least this one still has Austen’s name on it.