Katie Paysinger

Dear nation,
There are three things in life that I do not understand. Why three, you ask? Because two is too few, and four, well, if you don’t understand four things in life, then you don’t watch enough “Seinfeld.”
They are Twitter, superglue and the reason people don’t wear helmets.
I would think these things would be fairly obvious predicaments I would not understand, but I will explain them a bit anyway.
Why can’t I understand Twitter? Because it’s ridiculous, that’s why. I do not care how creatively you can word what you are doing in 140 characters or fewer. I just plain don’t care what you’re doing.
Yes, I do have a Twitter. But don’t judge. I only have it so I can know what John Mayer has said on it before US Weekly uses it as a source for the latest news on him and Jen.
Why I don’t understand superglue doesn’t really need an explanation. You can only use the tube once before it superglues itself shut. Does anyone else see a problem in that?
Now, I ask you my followers, why do people not wear helmets? I am insanely curious and also aware that I devoted an entire opinion piece to this topic last fall. However, I have yet to see a drastic increase in those trendy head protectors, and so I am forced to bring it up again.
Spring is emerging. Rejoice. What does spring bring? It brings flowers and flip-flops, birds and bees and pretty trees. It brings sunbathers pretending not to be aware of everyone staring at them on the IM field. All the good things in life.
It also brings weather that permits, finally, for bicycle riding. And scooters. And various other devices that propel you at speeds those measly pedestrians can’t reach.
With the recent death of actress and mother Natasha Richardson, who died from a head injury caused from a fall on a ski bunny slope because she was not wearing a helmet, I was reminded of how quickly our lives can change by something as silly and miniscule as wearing a helmet.
Nobody likes helmets. I don’t. I hate it. I hate the way my hair is flatter than usual after I take it off and how I have to carry it around or worry about it getting stolen off my bike. I hate the space it takes up in my broom closet of a room.
I hate that I am usually the only one I ever see wearing one.
I know most of you only ever ride your bikes around campus, and the streets here aren’t as busy as other places, but danger still lurks. It is everywhere. Cars pull out of the sides of buildings, those little facility service carts pop up out of flower beds.
Sudden twists to this tale of life are constant and impossible to predict. Protect yourselves, friends. Just between you and me, I already read that helmets are the latest trend in spring fashions.
Stay stylish.