Pumpkin spice lattes? No thanks

Charlotte Abramson, Opinions Editor

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Alright guys, I have a confession to make. I’ve managed to go my entire life without indulging in a pumpkin spice latte…until now. I know–I’m naturally blonde and I own a lot of Nike, it’s confusing. This is probably what you would expect of me.

Swim practice ended, but staying on campus to finish up work is always more productive than telling myself I’ll go home and study on my bed. Yeah, right. 

So, in an effort to redeem myself in the eyes of my friends, I decided to sacrifice a little dignity and indulge–I chose to get it iced though because hot coffee is never the vibe. 

The first sip tasted like a liquified Bath and BodyWorks candle. Now, no offense to our hardworking fabulous Starbucks baristas, of course, but I’m not entirely sure what all the hype is. I saw a group of freshmen nearly pee themselves with excitement last week when they mentioned ordering it. Seriously though, are you guys okay?

It’s an aesthetic I guess, but is it really THAT good? Second sip had me like okkkkaaaaaay, it’s alright. To be honest, I’m a woman that believes pumpkins belong on porches and that’s about it. My friends judge me on it, I’m sure you will too. 

I don’t mess with pumpkin pie, that’s really confusing to me. There’s so many types of pie, why would you choose pumpkin instead of apple? Same with pumpkin bread.. grow up guys. 

I drank about half before my stomach started protesting, and then I called it good. I didn’t pay nearly five bucks to puke. That being said, I understand the vibe. Sippin’ on a pumpkin spice latte, crunching through some leaves while walking in the rain. 

Overall, I’m convinced PSL’s are more for the aesthetic because every autumn candle smells like this coffee tastes. Plus, it’s still September guys. I’m not one to dismiss decorating for the holidays early, but we’re in college, it’s still 80 degrees out, and some of you are already decorating. 

Pumpkins are overrated–and so are pumpkin spice lattes.

I said what I said.