Kaden’s Komments: Kaden tries tarot

Kaden Gass, Staff Writer

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Hello all. It’s your favorite gay bestie Kaden Gass reporting to you live from my kitchen. 

Today we’ve got some exciting stuff. I’m going over to my friend Isabelle’s dorm to get my tarot read. I don’t know about you, but I’m fully expecting the cards to tell me that I’m basically a mess and that I need a boyfriend. 

But, you know what I say to that? We don’t need no man because we are independent af.

Now I’m here with my bestie, as she’s shuffling the cards and I’ll let you guys know what she pulls (may the universe help me). 

The first card represents the present and what I’m embodying now. And, let it be no surprise that she pulled the six of wands, which represents inspiring others and being in high regard. You best believe that. And that I came to serve ideas and looks.

The second card represents personal strength. It says I delight in others’ demises (rude), but like why is it kind of true. What it actually means is that my strength stems from power. The fact that I can stand up to someone, be a cold, boss-ass B, and not be a pushover. 

On the flip side, card three represents my weaknesses and it’s a direct mirror image of my strength. She pulled the empress reversed which basically takes that strength and turns it on it’s head. I can exude jealousy and can be envious of what others have (a boyfriend, god forbid), and in turn I can be a mega B because I don’t believe I deserve what others have.

Enough of that heavy stuff now: cards four, five, six and seven are all elemental cards dealing with types of communication and are shown through different elements (Air, Water, Fire, Earth.) 

The culmination of these cards (just so you don’t have to read four more paragraphs of my elegant writing) state that I’m a VERY persuasive communicator, that I know what I want, and see through the BS in people. I’m a Gemini, by the way. There was also something about being jealous and mean, but I can’t quite remember what it meant….Gemini.

What have we learned from this process? The universe doesn’t care about my feelings. 

Also, to anyone reading this that thinks I’m serious, trust me I’m not, I just wanted to have a little fun during spooky season and poke jokes. I think the most accurate statement that came out of this reading is that I’m basically a hermit who has an attitude problem and I accept that. At least I’m a hermit that serves. 

Anyways guys, I hope you all had an amazing week and tune into all the sporting events taking place this weekend because it’s gonna be fun. And just between you and I, The Linfield Review’s pictures are kinda poppin off, like okay I see you, go off! Bye guys.