Brianne Ries
At this point in life, I think we are all old enough to know that divorce is not rare in our country. It is commonly believed that 50 percent of marriages will end in divorce; surprisingly, that is not entirely the case. While in the future 50 percent will be the norm, right now it wavers in the 40-percent range. Regardless, chances are you have been affected by divorce. If not in your own family, then at least a friend’s family.
My classmates and I were doing an interview lab, and someone asked me to describe my family. It doesn’t matter who it is, I always hesitate with this response. The look on people’s faces when I try to explain the web of parents, step-parents, sisters, a niece, a nephew and a brother-in-law is pretty priceless. If you’ve experienced a divorce, you feel my pain. But it doesn’t stop at one for me; three is the lucky number in the land of divorce.
Going back to the interview lab, another question was what I wanted my life to look like in five years. It’s a terrifying thought to picture where I will be, but I know in the next five to 10 years, I want to be married, have a house, a steady job and to be thinking about starting a family. While critiquing the interviewer, another classmate said she would have asked me why family was so important to me, especially considering the circumstances.
Why is it important to me? To be quite honest, I really don’t know. Until last week, I’ve always thought, “Why wouldn’t it be important to me?”
Why can’t I strive to have the family I didn’t necessarily get to have just because I didn’t have a traditional family upbringing? I want my kids to remember Christmases, Thanksgivings and birthdays with their mom and dad together. I want to do the cheesy family Christmas cards, family newsletters and, yes, I’m excited to be a soccer mom (despite my complete lack of knowledge of sports).
In lieu of the holidays, here’s an example of holidays Ries-Rice-Clark Style. Tradition for me is spending Christmas Eve with my dad and watching “Christmas Vacation.” Tradition with my mom is opening presents Christmas night in pajamas because, technically, it feels like waking up early in the morning. At some point before that, I’ll swing by my step-mom’s house and make a gingerbread house with my half-sister and grab breakfast with my step-dad. It can definitely be a crazy plan to schedule, but that is how my life has looked more or less since I was six.
My family may not be traditional by many people’s standards, but they are my family. I am blessed to have a mom and dad who would do anything for me. I am also blessed to have two step-parents (while they technically aren’t anymore) who took on the role of parenting three young girls without hesitation. I am blessed to have three amazing sisters, each unique, inspiring and compassionate. I have a wonderful brother-in-law and an amazing nephew and niece that have changed my family dynamic for the better. While my life has lacked the understanding of what having a traditional family is, that doesn’t change how much I love my family for who they are.
Why should I be ashamed of my family? I’m not going to hide it because it is who I am. I could not be more proud of my family. We’ve been through a lot, and the fact that I communicate and connect with each person, I think, says a lot about the values that have been instilled in me. Who wouldn’t want to pass those along to a new generation? I consider myself pretty lucky: I have observed four parenting styles that each have their benefits and learned that when it comes down to it, love is all that matters.
I know the divorce rate will continue to skyrocket as the years pass. But the thought of breaking the cycle of divorce that has hit my family again and again is a risk I am willing to take. What can I say? I’m an optimist.
Until then, this is a warning to be prepared for a two-minute rundown on my family tree whenever you ask me to describe my family.