Dear Bailey,

“I’ve been having fantasies about a threesome. Is this normal? What should I do?”

-Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

First off, yes, it is normal.

Many people have fantasies about threesomes, and it is your decision if you would like to participate in one.

For some people, it is just not for them. They may feel that it isn’t acceptable, or they would feel uncomfortable.

For others, it can be enjoyable, enhancing their sex life. You must analyze for yourself if it is right for you.

If you do decide to be in one, you should consider how you would like to choose who to explore this with.

Some people choose to ask a friend who they trust and feel comfortable with. If you have friends you can trust to be understanding and private, this can be the best situation. Consider how you would feel about seeing them after. Would you be able to continue the friendship?

Others decide to try it with people they would not have continuous contact with.

If you just want to try it, and you’re not sure about how you might feel later, exploring with someone you don’t know might be a better option.

There are many online resources to find people who are willing to join. Be careful if you decide to do this. The person on the other end can be anyone.

It might be best to let a friend know what you’ve decided to do so that someone is aware of your situation.

There are other concerns with this approach. These people have an unknown sexual history. That doesn’t mean that the history is bad, but it does mean you need to take precautions.

If you decide to plan it ahead of time, you could request that they be tested.

Always practice safe sex in these situations. Lay down some ground rules and limits. It would be a good idea to choose a “safe word” as well.

These suggestions are good for any situation you decide is the best for you.

There is also the matter of if you are in a relationship and how your partner would feel about it. Presenting the idea to them might be scary, and unless it has come up prior, their reaction might be unpredictable.

It could be as simple as asking if they have ever thought about a threesome. It is not just you deciding to do this. You need to take your partner’s thoughts and feelings into consideration as well.

Stricter rules may need to be considered because it can be a more complicated situation. Communication needs to be open. Talk about what you each expect and want. Share what each of your fantasies includes. What should be off limits for both of you and the third person? What sex do you want joining? What concerns do each of you have, prior, during or after?

It is a big decision. It could be unenjoyable for you, or it could also open up your sex life a little more.

Bailey can be reached at [email protected].