Dominic Baez – Editor-in-chief. Harry Potter, say hello to the Olympian gods. And no, that’s not a good thing.
Chris Columbus (director of the first two “Harry Potter” movies), in his latest endeavor, somehow managed to present a story without actually presenting a story. In “Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief,” based off the first in a series of five popular children’s books by Rick Riordan, Percy Jackson (Logan Lerman, “Gamer”) embarks on what should have been a Herculean journey.
However, this adaptation resembles more of a wade through the river Styx. (The book, only a decent read at best, was far and away superior to the movie.)
The story begins with Percy — who’s in high school in the movie but only 12 in the book — sitting at the bottom of a pool, for 7 minutes. Despite how serene it looks, taking a 7-minute siesta at the bottom of a school pool is not normal.
As the plot progresses, Percy discovers his Olympian descent. He learns that he is the bastard son of Poseidon (Kevin McKidd), best friends with a satyr named Grover (Brandon Jackson) and the student of a centaur (Pierce Brosnan). Oh, and water is his friend.
As the title implies, Percy is accused of stealing Zeus’ (Sean Bean) master lightning bolt, a crime Percy vehemently denies committing. In an effort to restore his name, Percy, along with Grover and Annabeth (Alexandra Daddario), the daughter of Athena and Percy’s virginal love interest, embark on a ridiculous journey through Olympian lore (which, for some reason, centers in New York).
First, Percy is attacked by a harpy (although any Greek mythology buff will tell you it was obviously meant to be a Fury) at a museum, which leads to a lackluster escape sequence, which then results in Percy’s mother being kidnapped by Hades’ (Steve Coogan) minion. From there, Percy’s centaur mentor explains the connection between the gods and humans (i.e., the gods like to get it on), why everyone thinks he stole the master bolt and just how lame he is at sword fighting.
From here, Percy and company encounter more plot holes than one would traveling down a worn-down dirt road. He fights a hydra with skills he didn’t possess 10 minutes before, he beheads the less-than-sinister Medusa (how many times can she go through that?) and he comes face to face with Uncle Hades himself (who has the magical ability to transform from a middle-aged man to a psychotic-looking demon spawn).
The thing is, though, this movie wasn’t so terrible as to not be recommended. After all, its prime demographic is the children who’ve read the books. So, it wouldn’t be pushing the envelope to say that a movie meant for children would maintain a child-like feel. It wasn’t worth the $10.50 ticket; renting would be the way to go here.
All in all, the movie succeeded in its mission: pleasing a target audience.
But would it have been deadly to actually have read the book before making the movie?

Rated: PG (some mild innuendos)
Running time: 1 hour, 59 minutes