How college students feel about making the first move
October 23, 2016
Filed under Opinion
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USA Today recently released a study stating that while in college, 28 percent of students find their spouses, rising to 60 percent at religious affiliated schools.
Many students at Linfield and across the nation will meet their “other half” in college, but what’s often forgotten is how these relationships start. When questioned about making the first move, Linfield students openly offered their experiences.
In general, girls seem more scared of taking initiative.
“I think it’s a preconceived idea that girls are supposed to wait for guys to make the first move,” one said. “It’s almost more masculine, making the first move.”
Question: Have you ever made the first move?
“I made the first move and he didn’t respond. I flirted and hinted and there was still no response, so I decided to give him one last chance. I kissed him the next time we hung out, and we’ve been together for almost a year.”
“Were you scared?”
“Oh yeah,” she laughed.
One girl in particular delved into the gender role aspect of making the first move.
“I think the media also plays a big part in it. In the movies you always see guys making the first move on girls. If you’re a girl and get rejected it’s like it’s ten times worse because you not only went against societal ‘norms,’ but you also failed.”
When young men were asked about their opinions on making the first move, their answers were far more scattered.
“It’s just expected from society for us to make the first move so we’re just used to it,” one football player said.
“Sometimes you don’t know if someone’s interested or not, so if they make the first move it helps,” another revealed.
“Everything is open ended. I will ask a girl on a date, but if she gets to it first that’s cool. A girl making the first move is attractive to me because it shows drive and courage,” one upperclassman stated.
Question: Are guys scared to make the first move?
“I think anyone finds it nerve-wracking to some degree,” one freshman confessed.
“I guess there’s always a healthy amount of nervousness, but if you’ve done it a few times it’s not as bad,” another said.
Question: How does it feel to have society putting pressure on guys to make the first move?
“It can be pretty frustrating, just the feeling of always having to put yourself out there when it should be more mutual,” on football player said.
“I would appreciate girls making the first move more often. It should be more equal,” stated another.
There’s no definitive answer to the questions that inspired this investigation, but knowing that not many people find making the first move easy is comforting. It’s easy to silently crush, but a lot of the time it’s worth it to explore that interest further. As one optimistic girl said: “it sucks to get rejected, but it sucks to never try and never know.”